On the Market: Can a Hilarious Personal Essay Net This Home $3.8M?

Thursday, January 23, 2014, by Spencer Peterson

One pretty obvious guideline for penning a workable property listing is not to make it all about yourself. But as the write-up for this stone-clad Lake Geneva contemporary shows, some rules are meant to be broken. What we have here goes beyond mere brokerbabble; it's essentially pioneering a new genre, the listing-as-memoir. Often hilarious and occasionally poignant, the ad begins with the following: "It wasn't long ago that I would have looked at modern architecture and sneered. It didn't make sense to me, this modern architecture. I didn't care for the angles, the lack of symmetry, the nonsensical spaces. For this life long disdain of all things contemporary, I blame the Jetson's." Hooked yet? We haven't even gotten to the house.

Built in the 1980s and outfitted with an either awesome or terrible variated exterior covered in cowhide-like splotches of stonework, this home surpasses our narrator's own designs in its embrace of the modern:

As a quasi-adult, I now see past the modern stylings of Jetson's fame and have recently begun to sincerely appreciate modern design done well. In fact, I dabbled with a modern design before embarking on my own build, but in the end shied away from it for fear of doing it poorly. Modern design, if done well, can be beautiful. Modern design done poorly can be an absolute disaster. I played it safe. The house above and below has not played it safe.

Quasi-adult? Sounds like someone just got through the second season of Girls. But to the point, the place certainly doesn't hold back, but is this piece of modern architecture executed well or poorly? At least one person out there clearly thinks so, but first, we're taken on an imaginary jaunt through the Wisconsin countryside:

Valley View Drive isn't a drive that someone can happen on easily. You must drive down South Lakeshore Drive and then head North on Maple Ridge. When you come to the intersection of Black Point Road, you can turn West to head towards that black point, or you can turn East, and head to Valley View. Few people turn East.

Few people turn that way, we're left to assume, because this abode is for the dreamers, the strivers, those tapped in to the unfiltered essence of what it means to be alive. Perched on a one-and-a-half-acre lot, with 150 feet of "big, fat, sprawling frontage," this four-bedroom home has an interior full of "true magic," with "delightful" hardwood floors and "built in cabinetry everywhere, the flow perfect." For those who like to entertain, the basement has a "large rec room and bar area eager to host ping pong championships," but that bit of advice comes with a warning: "Don't invite me to those competitions, I'll win. It's true."

Finally, the aesthetic, in one listing agent's humble opinion, is "modern without being cold." Is it enough to warrant $3.79M? (Originally, the place asked $4.195M, but "perhaps just $4.194M if you take advantage of the Friday special.") While you ponder that, check out this listing for a home nearby. Could this fine piece of creative nonfiction have a sequel?

· 521 Wilmette Rd [Zillow]

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